For most of my teaching career, I taught writing to 4th graders. I loved showing 9-year-olds they have stories to tell and how to put words on paper. I wish I could have taught them just for the pure joy of stringing words together and learning to express themselves, but unfortunately every year, we faced the dreaded state-mandated writing test.
Every year, it was a challenge to find the best way to teach for success. My personal goal was to have 90% of my students pass this test, but for years, had been my unmovable mountain.
The frustrating part of requiring 9 year-olds to write for the state is that they have to remember so many things as they “performed.” They have to address the prompt exactly, use the correct style (which means it’s an essay, not a story), write about one topic only while elaborating and giving thought provoking detail about that one topic, and to remember their periods (good heavens, why was this so hard??). If students got a bit off track in any area, it could mean an automatic failing score.
The Mountain that Stopped Me in My Tracks
My last year to teach writing was exciting because the Lord answered many prayers throughout the months and gave me wisdom and ideas for my teaching. The students were thriving and excited. I was hopeful and confident as the test date grew closer and couldn’t wait to see how they would do. I felt like this was the year I was sure to see that 90% passing!
That year, the prompt asked students to share ONE well elaborated reason they liked a teacher (worded more confusing than that, of course). I knew the moment I read it aloud, what would go wrong. I monitored as they planned and with every step around the room, my heart fell. 75% of students planned out THREE reasons they liked their teacher, not just about one reason. This was a terrible dilemma because that is one of those reasons the essays could be given a failing score. Tears filled my eyes and choked me. I could barely keep myself together enough for the entire day. Honestly, I was angry. At the test makers, and even at God.
Why, Lord? We worked so hard and now only 25% of my students will most likely pass this test.
A Calling to Follow Him Up the Mountain
Discouragement swept over me and defeated tears fell as I drove home that afternoon. In the midst of my pity party, the words of the song on the radio caught my attention:
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing you to move,
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through,
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to you,
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!*
I knew, in that moment, God was calling me to trust Him. Even in the midst of my discouragement and anger. Okay, Lord. I will choose to trust You even though my feelings are hurt and I don’t understand. Help me remember that my worth does not come from how many of my students pass a test. My worth comes from You, simply because you love me.
What is Your Mountain?
How about you? What heartache, disappointment, or terrible circumstance is Jesus calling you to trust in Him? I promise, He loves you, He has a plan, and it is good.
His plan for me in the years following that test day, I was able to move to a different grade level and subject for my last year in the classroom. And the following year I became a school counselor. Now I am working in my favorite place I have ever worked. God is so good. And trustworthy.