When my little brother and I were about nine and five, I knew just the right buttons to push to get him fired up. It didn’t take long to stir up enough anger for him to come after me. One of my protection tactics was to hold his head at arm’s length while he swung his little fists with all his little 5-year-old might without a single strike. You can picture it, can’t you. This memory makes me sad, as does the fact that I would carry this self-protection of holding and loving people at arm’s length into adulthood.
How He Showed Me
Once, during a challenging time in my life, the Lord brought this tendency to my attention. I had rented a cabin on Lake Catherine in Arkansas, and to get ready I searched for a study to guide my time with the Lord. One evening, I stood in between the shelves of LifeWay, praying for the Lord to show me which study to pick.
A light from the ceiling shined on a particular book (God had provided His guidance this way before, so it got my attention). [the story about that is here.] I picked up Life’s Healing Choices by John Baker, read the back, and knew this was the one He wanted me to take.
What He Showed Me
Through this study, God showed me how I held my relationships at arm’s length because of the hurts I experienced as a child and in early adulthood. It helped me release the hurts and to forgive the offenders. It was a freeing experience; one where I felt the weight literally released from my shoulders. I felt light and free for the first time in my life.
Why He Showed Me
It is amazing what forgiveness did for my relationships, even the ones that needed no forgiveness. The freedom I found made room for love and acceptance of others’ flaws as well as my own.
Do You Love At Arm’s Length?
Think about the relationships in your life. Are they as close and fulfilling as you want them to be? If not, ask the Lord to show you the reasons. Is it a matter of unforgiveness or needing to be set free from past hurts?
If so, ask Him to help you gain your freedom. That is a prayer He longs to answer for you. After all, that is why He came in the first place.
Lord, thank you for longing to set us free. Help us to look to you to find healing and restoration and to not settle for loving people at arm’s length.