It is important to have compassion in our relationships with others. But what about that one toxic relationship in your life who causes strife. The one that drives us to the feet of Jesus or to seek counseling? We all most likely have one.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
A toxic person can create drama, cause strife, and drain us of energy. Dr. Abigail Brenner M.D. states in an article she wrote for Psychology Today (2016), some of the common characteristics of people with toxic personalities:
- They can be manipulative, life is about them, and they might use others to get what they want.
- These people can be judgmental and critical about what you’ve done or said.
- They most likely don’t take responsibility for what they do or feel.
- You probably won’t get an apology from them. It is usually someone else’s fault. They are the victim, looking for sympathy and attention from others.
- Sometimes they change their behavior or perspective depending on what they are wanting to accomplish, i.e. being kind when they want something from you.
- They may make you prove yourself to them by making you choose them over someone else.
- Their behavior drives a wedge between you and others you care for.
See Them Through the Eyes of Jesus
What happens when you’ve tried countless times to see this person through the eyes of Jesus and extend love and forgiveness?
He may guide you to put an end to the relationship. In my case, He has only allowed me to put distance between us for a time. It is important to allow the Holy Spirit to guide you to know what He is calling you to do.
Wise Counsel
My counselor once described people like this as “radioactive.” Webster’s defines it as “having or producing a powerful and dangerous form of energy; so divisive or controversial as to require avoidance.” That pretty much sums it up. If God calls you to persist in your relationship, try some things my counselor shared with me:
- Limit your exposure.
- Begin with zero expectations.
- Suit up. Sometimes I feel like I am walking into a war zone when I have to be around my person. We need to be prayed up and walking with Jesus into each situation. He is with us and praying helps us remember that.
- If the core cracks, leave. If the situation warrants it, you do not have to stay.
The Bottom Line
I have come to grips that this relationship most likely won’t ever be what I want it to be because I can only control my part of it. However, Jesus is clear about several things regarding this relationship. I need to continue to love, bless, do good to, and pray for this person. The Apostle Paul was a great example of someone who experienced many hardships in his ministry. He blessed when he was cursed, endured when persecuted, and answered kindly when slandered (1 Cor. 4:12-13).
It is certainly a challenging calling, one marked with many tears and heartache. But I know that for anyone called to persist, Jesus sees our efforts, knows our hearts, and is honored by our obedience.
Galatians 6:9 tells us, Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Sweet friend, cling to this beautiful promise because He is faithful!